‘Their Presence Was Enough’: How We Grieved in Lockdown
Just a month after Kristin Torres, 32, found a new church to attend in Boston, her grandmother, Carmen, died suddenly. Carmen was a devout Catholic herself and in many ways, Torres considered her her best friend. Torres told her new friends at St. Peter’s she would see them in two weeks, after she got back from the funeral. Then, the pandemic hit, and for six months, Torres stayed in her hometown in California.”
But even from across the country, her church group became a lifeline: Many of her church friends were older, in their 60s and 70s, and generous with wisdom on everything from career issues to grief, loneliness, and insecurity. “They understood when I didn’t show up to meetings because I just didn’t have it in me. They never pushed me to be anything or give anything,” Torres said. The community offered a sense of rhythm in a year that otherwise seemed absent of one. “I’m learning how important it is to have a regular community and a commitment — something and someone to be accountable to and to be a friend to,” said Torres.
Capturing grief throughout the past year seems akin to catching a sunset and trying to hold it in your hands: Nothing is enough to grab hold of the lights going out, to understand what’s unfolding. But people I spoke to described religious services via Zoom, meditation, and practices they consider…
